Thursday, May 8, 2008

In Loving Memory of Addison Engel Kraan



This kit was created in loving memory of the child we have just lost due to a blighted ovum miscarriage. We have decided to name the baby, Addison Engel Kraan (Engel is Dutch for Angel)

I am having a difficult time dealing with this emotionally, I always knew that miscarriage would be a horrible and sad experience but I wasn't prepared for just how horrible, painful and sad it would be, i suppose no one is prepared for that. My energy level has started to return over the last few days from all the blood loss and yesterday i was able to walk around a little without needing to take too many breaks. My friends have been telling me to expect an emotional roller coaster as my hormones level out, and so far they are very right.

My husband keeps encouraging me to try and get back to 'my normal life' and resume some of my normal activities so i decided to make a memorial kit to scrapbook the emotions and memories with. This kit is dedicated to my sweet Addison Engel, and to all of the other 'Angels'
and their Mothers.
This kit will be a permanent freebie.
Here is the link to the download
 

About some of the kit's elements

~the butterfly wings are made of 'angel's wings
~the butterfly body is made of crystal 'teardrops'
~the blossom is from the Yoshino Cherry Tree we
have planted in memory of our little one.
~the papers are embellished with rain, water and raindrops to symbolize not only my tears but also the tears and sadness of the many mothers who have shared this painful experience.

Here are some of the layouts I made for our memory album:

As a memorial we decided to plant a lovely Yoshino Cherry tree at the burial site on our farm. these photos are from that day.

Sleep in Peace my Sweet Angel.

this photo is of a suncatcher of my daughter, Joanna, and I the morning after her birth in January of 2007. (my good friends Aimee and Jesse purchased this for me for Mothers Day 2007)

The 'teardrop' gems attached to the suncatcher are from a necklace my mother purchased for me upon hearing of my miscarriage. I was startled at how much the gems reminded me of the crystal 'teardrop' elements I made for this kit, especially since my Mother had not seen it yet.

thank you all who have left such kind comments of support and encouragement :-) It means alot to have such wonderful support from friends like you :-)

I've had the chorus of this song 'stuck in my head' for days now and hadn't seen this film in years so i couldn't remember all of the words. It really spoke to me so I thought I'd share it here with you now. Its from the movie Joseph-King of Dreams

50 comments:

OR Scraps said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I too know what you are going through and I hope with time that your heart will begin to heal. HUGE HUGS!!!

Cra-Z-cat said...

heartfelt feeling for you during this difficult time.. i suffered a loss at 7.5 mos pregnancy, she would be 24 now. so difficult to endure, but as time passes so will your pain and sorrow. don't bottle up your feelings.. talk things out w/ ur hubby.. thoughts are with you that you will find peace and understanding of this sad event.

jbart said...

im sorry for your lose..i lost 2 in 2004 and it was really hard..but as time goes on it gets easier..just keep praying and have have faith..

jamie

Lisa said...

Sherah, I am so sorry for the loss of Addison Engel. I also lost a baby and yes, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be, but as time goes on the pain will lessen. You made a beautiful awesome kit in memory of her and the layouts of did with it are wonderful.

Take care of yourself and wishing you peace.

Beckie said...

Sending thoughts, prayers and lot of hugs your way Sherah ... the kit you created is absolutely beautiful. I can't begin to imagine how you're feeling, but I'm thinking of you and praying for you every single day...

hugs,
Beckie Wallace

deadrose said...

*hugs* The pain gets less raw over time. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

KrisG said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Hugs to you and hopes of healing quickly. Your kit is a beautiful way to commemorate your angel. Thank you for sharing it... my grandson was never born and this kit will be beautiful for scrapping a memory of him. Take care.

Patamomma said...

Bless your heart. Bless your family. Patty

Jeanie said...

I am SO sorry for your loss. I had a 10-week miscarriage of my first child due to blighted ovum, and have not been the same since. The best thing anyone said to me was that she had had a miscarriage 20 years prior, still cried about it, but knew that she and her husband would have another child waiting to be raised by them in heaven one day...we never knew gender and never named the child. I'm not sure why. It was especially hard because my friend was due 5 days before I was. Also, I was in residency on an OB rotation, so I had to return to work to deliver other people's babies. Now I'm a foster mom, hoping to adopt (two biological kids as well), and dealing with possible endometrial cancer (biopsy Monday...) I believe there's a reason Gd has for such things, but I don't expect to understand them until my time in heaven. I hope Gr gives you strength and peace in this difficult time.

Love and hugs to you and your baby angel...
Jeanie

Suz said...

May angels hold and comfort you through this sad time in your life. :)

Maria said...

Thank you! Your blog post will be advertised on the DigiFree Digital Scrapbooking Freebie search engine today.

Scraps of Candy said...

Sherah, my heart if breaking for your family. I pray that you find comfort in the quiet times and strength in the difficult ones. My prayers are with you and your family.

Beth said...

Sherah, I learned through 7 miscarriages that God does everything for a purpose. Every one of those 7 little babies would have been loved and cherished. I put my desire for a baby into God's hands and He blessed me with a wonderful son. My prayers are with you for comfort and strength to be able to think of your little one and smile at the image of him on God's knee. God bless you and your family. Thank you for the lovely tribute.

Pattycakes said...

Sending big hugs! I'm so sorry to hear about your loss...I haven't lost a baby but lost a son at age 2o and can only imagine how you feel. Just take it one day at a time. It doesn't go away but it does get better. Take care of you.

gabbyfowl said...

Thank you for sharing this special tribute with all of us. My angel was 17 when she died. It has been twelve years now and you never forget it just gets less painful to remember. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Sheila said...

My deepest sympathy on your loss and miscarriage. I have not been thru the experience personally but watched my son and dil go thru it twice and saw their pain and grief.
Getting back to your routine is good if you are ready, and your memorial kit and pages are just beautiful. Thank you for sharing your kit with us all.
Take care of yourself. I'll send thoughts and prayers to help you. And a virtual {{{{HUG}}}}.

Cindyrelly said...

Hi Sherah, I really am sorry for your loss... I have suffered through several miscarriages myself and people's well-meaning words sometimes made me feel much worse so I won't say anything more other than refer you to a book that really helped me as I struggled for answers. "I'll Hold You In Heaven" by Pastor Jack Hayford. Grace & Peace, Cindy

Cassandra said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the lovely memories you've made will comfort you as you go through this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your beautiful kit.

Lukasmummy said...

I'm so sorry for your loss having 2 angel babies from miscarriages and 1 angel we lost at 3 months old I feel your pain ((((((hugs)))))))))) thank you for sharing the beautiful tribute kit you have created, if you ever need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on please feel free to email me lukasmummy2@hotmail.co.uk. Hugs Crystal xxx

Terebene said...

I am so sorry. I am praying for you to find comfort.

Anonymous said...

Big ((((HUGS))) to you and your hubby. I'll be using your beautiful tribute to Addison Engel for my angels.

imforgven said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I have been in your place and it is very sad and hard to get through. But I know the LORD is there watching over you and your family in this time of sorrow. May GOD comfort you and your family


Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.2 Corinthians 1:3-4

jenjenjasp said...

I too have experienced NUMEROUS losses like you. And I mean numerous. So please know that my love and prayers are with you. Mourn....it is okay and natural to do so. Love....it will see you through this healing process. Pray...He really is there. Be happy....you will be again.

Hugs and love and I am so very sorry.

Jenjen

Chris Allport said...

So sorry to hear your sad news,

Thinking of you and your family.

Lots of luv and {{{hugs}}}

Chris

Sharon aka Scrapcat4914 said...

Sherah
HUGE GIANT HUGS FOR YOU & YOUR FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know all to well the pain your going thru going thru 2 loses of my own 1 at 5 months & the 2nd at 5 1/2 months the pain will always be there but as everyone else has already told you PLEASE talk about it & as you've already by making this MARVELOUS GORGEOUS kit to help you get stronger!!!!!!!!!!
TY so very much for it!!!!!!!!!
HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will keep you all in my prayers!!!!!!!!!!

Dawn said...

my prayers are with you and your family....dewnie from boston....

makeyesup said...

Sorry for your loss, there are no words to take the pain away. However, your tribute is so perfect as now the little one is your special angel helping God watch over you and your family. My prayers are with you during this difficult time.

crzymom said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. You found a lovely way to help work through the pain and loss. Our prayers are with you through this difficult time.

Ginger said...

I am so sorry for your loss. That song was beautiful. You and your family will be in my prayers.

Teri said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you must feel. You have made a beautiful tribute to your daughter. (((hugs)))

Sharon-shutterbug said...

Dear Sherah,
Thank you for sharing your lovely kit with us. I have never lost a child, and can't imagine just how you're feeling right now, but I will certainly keep you in my prayers!

Anonymous said...

Please know that you are being prayed for by many people and feel the hugs being sent your way from all across America and beyond. We are here to support you as best we can as you travel this difficult road.

Debbi said...

My heart breaks for you, sweetie! I lost two babies (21 and 22 years ago)and I thought I would die from the heartbreak and disappointment. One thing I learned from it was to say to someone else that I cry with you and one day you will meet your baby in heaven. That was a great comfort to me. I was still sad and still angry. I felt guilty for being sad until I re-read the story of David in the Bible(a man after God's own heart) who came back from fighting a battle God sent him to only to find all the wives and children taken by the enemy. David's response was to "cry until he could cry no more". That gave me permission to feel sad. My own husband didn't want to hear of my sadness after awhile and wanted me to get on with my life but I realized later that he just didn't know how to handle it himself. He was just as sad but men react differently than women do. I can tell you that you will survive (although sometimes it feels like you should add 'unfortunately' to that phrase) and you are stronger than you think you are and stronger than you wish you were. I will pray for you and cry with you. Hang in there, even it's just by a thread.
-Debbi

Cathy/ Mommy Motivation said...

I cry with you, my new bloggie friend.
I will pray for you, and your family too. (and I mean it)
You feel what you must and do what you must to get through this, girl.

Holly said...

My heart goes out to you and your family...tears are flowing for you. I hope that one day will bring you peace with this experience. Just do what you feel is right and your heart and things will be ok.

Take care,
Holly

Elaine (rags2r) said...

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prays are with you and your family. Just keep busy doing the things you normally enjoy. Loss is always so hard but time will lessen the pain.

xashee's corner said...

i am soo very sorry for your loss and my prayers are with you. we may not understand all the reasons that things happen but you will find comfort with prayer! HUGS to you and thank you so much for sharing this BEAUTIFUL and oh sooooo meaningful kit!

Cher said...

Sherah~
So, so sorry...please don't listen to the ones that want you to "buck-up" and forget - you need to go through the grieving process - not push it inside - wish I could offer MY shoulder to cry on - hang in - go slow - and we love you!
Cher~Austin, TX

Priscilla's Profile said...

I am so sorry for your loss, there are just no right words. I have lost a total of four myself, and my blog has the Pregnancy and loss blinkie on it, and a post or two about loss.

I hope you mend physically quickly and over time that your heart will heal as well....I promise it does get easier with time. God Speed little one...may you ride on the cloud and play with the stars.

Priscilla's Profile said...

I am so sorry for your loss, there are just no right words. I have lost a total of four myself, and my blog has the Pregnancy and loss blinkie on it, and a post or two about loss.

I hope you mend physically quickly and over time that your heart will heal as well....I promise it does get easier with time. God Speed little one...may you ride on the cloud and play with the stars.

grambie said...

The ironies of life. I made a purchase from you at CU because I had seen your symbol at SAS. While visiting Boo's blog, I learned about your pain and loss. I know that it is something that will always stay with you, but it can help you to gather the blessings you have and know that you have a special angel watching and playing around you. I lost a daughter years ago and will think about that although my children are adults. I will use your kit for my eldest granddaughter who lost her daughter last year. She was alive when they arrived at the hospital, but then she past. I have her photos from the hospital and have been putting it off. But with this awesome kit, you have given me the strength, courage, and will to complete her layout of love. Thank You!! Leavin LUV! XOXOXO

Tasha said...

I came via Boo's Blog, just to comment and send hugs. I am so sorry for your loss of your angel. I think maybe I should scrap about my own loss too. I lost mine due to a tubal hemorrhage at 9 weeks and I have felt silly to grieve, when it was so early in my pregnancy. Reading these posts helps me to see how natural it is to grieve the loss of my angel too. I am so sorry for your loss and I know now that whatever and whenever you feel, it is OK to be exactly where you are with your grief. I already had a child when I lost this one, but I wanted this child desperately. Fast forward seven years later and I was having a child at 46. A healthy son, now three. I have been doubly blessed. Hugs, Tasha

Lauri said...

Thankyou so much for sharing this beautiful kit.
I am so sorry for your loss.
My youngest daughter lost twin girls in 2004, they were born 17 wks early. Hannah was with us for 13 hours & Brooke for 18 days. They are our Butterfly Angel's.
Thankyou again, you are in my prayers.
Hugz Lauri

Digiscrap Obsessed said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I found you whilst looking through the bereavement section of DigiScrap Depot. I lost my angel two and a half years ago, I was a week overdue with her. I still miss my Isabella every day. As time has passed, the grief has softened, the happiness has returned, but the memories, both bad and good still remain and I still openly grieve from time to time. I wish you all the best for the months ahead. I took up digiscrapping a few months ago, and have yet to digitally scrap any of the photos that I have of my angel, but I hope to do some pages of my Bella with your beautiful kit. I hope it is comforting that your beautiful memorial kit is being used to remember many of our beautiful angels. Love and hugs. Ally

reikkmmom said...

I'm going through a loss right now and would love to use your kit, but the link no longer works. Your new baby is beautiful, I know it doesn't make us forget the ones we loss but new baby love is so healing.

Sherah Kraan said...

Hi Reikkmmom,

I'm so terribly sorry to hear of your loss. (((((HUGE HUGS))))) I will work on getting this link repaired over the next few days. I discontinued my 4shared account and unfortunately due to a hard drive crash in December 2008 I lost my copy of this kit, i do believe that one of my CT members has a copy of it (I've e-mailed her to request it) and since its an older kit i'll be updating it and posting it here soon. Much love and prayers! Sherah SKrapper Digitals

Sherah Kraan said...

Hi All, I've repaired and slightly updated the mini kit just a bit :-) ((big hugs))

Stacy said...

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I know it's been a while - but the pain never really goes away, does it? I've been there too. I'm in the process of making tags to put in boxes that are donated to mamas who lost a little one and I cane across this kit. I really appreciate all the work you put into this kit.

Here is a link to the Facebook page for the group I'm making the tags for. I'm hoping we get the tags posted when they are all done (working on a group of 24 right now.) https://www.facebook.com/MommysHeartInABox?ref=stream

Thanks again. Your thoughtful kit is greatly appreciated by me and by other Mommies.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear about your loss. I understand the pain that one goes through for I took lost my first child during my first trimester 26 years ago and it still leaves a empty place in my heart.

Laura and Danya said...

Aloha, Is this freebie still available. We are a non profit looking to use it to create a card that will go in with each burial gown donated to the hospital made from donated wedding dresses. I've been searching the internet for one I loved as much and just keep trying to download this one. Please contact us at danyasgift@gmail.com

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